


Semicolon

by LittleMisanthrope



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Inspiration, Mental Health Issues, One Shot, POV Female Character, Suicidal Thoughts, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 17:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10644498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMisanthrope/pseuds/LittleMisanthrope
Summary: Now I should probably put a bit more of myself into this; I am now in my fifth year of high school. I have social anxiety disorder, trust issues, confidence issues, possibly depression and a general nonexistence of any social skills whatsoever.Oh, and I self harmed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys,
> 
> This is my first work on here and unbeta'd so please excuse any errors in the work. I'd really appreciate any constructive criticism anyone feels kind enough to provide at all!

You know how people use labels like goth, geek, airhead and so on to divide people? Yea well, I do that too - the only difference is that I use punctuation. I know what you're thinking, she's not normal. Well I know that. I came to terms with my abnormality a long time ago. No need to state the obvious. Anyway let me explain, you see I started doing this when I was actually very young, I just didn't have a name for the groups I put people in, it was just that the groups I put people in were different from the groups everyone else put people in.

Weirdness indicator number one.

Later on, into upper primary school, I started matching up my groups to punctuation - full stops, exclamation marks, commas - the basic ones. It wasn't until early high school that I finished naming them - the ellipsis's, colons, hyphens among others. Now I should probably put a bit more of myself into this; I am now in my fifth year of high school. I have social anxiety disorder, trust issues, confidence issues, possibly depression and a general nonexistence of any social skills whatsoever.

Oh, and I self harmed.

_Past tense._

My dad sent me to a psychiatrist because of that last one. I didn't want to go but his mind was made up. I needed to be fixed, he wasn't going to have a daughter who was (what he saw as) broken. He wanted a daughter who would grow up to be successful like him and marry a successful husband and have successful children, that couldn't happen if she was cutting her arms up! What would the possible _universities_ think of the scars? Or future employers, or _husbands_? Like I said, I never got a word on the matter, my dad's a full stop. He has the last word then that's the end of the discussion, like a full stop's the last thing in a sentence. In every sentence. Even if it ends in something else, the full stop's still there somewhere. My mum didn't really say anything on the matter, when she did it was always _'Well what about...' 'But I suppose there's also...'_ and my favourite _'But both have good points like...'_. She's a slash, always stuck between two options but never really picking a side - although can lean either way when she feels like it.

So that was that, off to the psychiatrist for me. She started with most of the general why I was there (didn't my dad tell her that?), what the problem is (isn't that the same thing?), about my life past and present - not much there, my health (I don't suppose what's under the plasters counts?), how I really feel (really bored) and how I think my social connections are (almost nonexistent). She was an ellipsis (the 'dot dot dot' for those who don't know). I bet you thought she was going to be a question mark didn't you? No, she was just asking the questions she was told to; she was an ellipsis because she never really finished a point or subject before either changing to the next topic or slipping off into her own head. Well, I suppose she might have finished her points then...

See what I did there? Frustrating isn't it? It was like having a hundred mini cliff-hangers in an hour when the plot wasn't that exciting in the first place. I think I stopped cutting just to get away from her... actually that might have been the point of it. Ha, the irony.

But moving on, how about someone from another group? Maybe an exclamation mark? One of my teachers in high school is an exclamation mark, always shouting and bawling. I don't think he even has an indoor voice, that's a thought. Imagine him ordering pizza or something like that, "And I'd like extra bacon! No! I do not want fries with that!" Ok sorry, went a little American at the end there but you have to admit that would be amusing, I'd pity the guy on the other end of the phone.

I suppose I should put my friend in here, she's a comma. Always just one extra point she has to add into her list before she can let anyone else comment. I mean no offence here, she's really nice as a person just... tends to put out a little more than she takes in. Commas aren't great listeners. An example would be when I was going through my psychiatrist sessions, I would rant a bit about it to her, maybe fit in a bit about my dad being stubborn before she would then link it to when her cousin saw a therapist and almost saw a psychiatrist but she didn't. And her dad wasn't stubborn, he listened like when she said she needed a new top he listened and took her to the centre to get one, that top was really cute and I should totally remind her to send me a picture of it after school and, if I liked it, I could borrow it anytime I wanted, as long as she wasn't wearing it, obviously. See, nice just talks a lot. The top was actually really cute, I didn't borrow it though. It had short sleeves.

It eventually got to a point where I was hiding the cuts to avoid being sent back to the psychiatrist and sadly my friend wasn't much help and neither was any of my teachers. I was getting close to the edge. The one where you begin to wonder; _'Will it really hurt if I cut it a little deeper? Will anyone stop me if I don't stop the blood? Will anyone notice?'_ What (or rather who) I needed was a question mark, a real one. Not someone like the psychiatrist who pretends to be one. A question mark is someone who asks a question because they actually want to know the answer and care about what it is. I needed someone who asked how I felt because _they wanted to know I was ok_. Not because they were getting paid to or were told to or thought they had to.

I never found that question mark. So instead, in desperation, I asked myself; _'What am I?'_ With all these questions I considered that maybe _I_ was a question mark. I'm not. Or maybe I was a hyphen, someone who stands out to make a point of something; but I'm just strange I don't do it for a reason or a point so I'm not that either. Eventually I found out what I am. I'm a sentence that could have ended but didn't, one that kept going because I had more to say, to do, to think, than what I already have. I'm an extension of what was, I'm making more of myself than what was there in the original, I'm better than what was here before.

I'm a semicolon.


End file.
